Dear modern "ideal" woman body:
My struggle with disordered eating started in the 4th grade because of your shitty ideals. I was stupid for buying into what you were selling back then, but I am more stupid for letting you affect my self esteem and how I feel about myself in general up until this point. That's nearly 15 years of being obsessed with how I look size-wise, fretting over whether or not I weighed more than my girlfriends, comparing myself and what I eat to other women, restricting my diet to the point of passing out, the period in my life of dealing with anorexia that I went through, the period of compulsive overeating that I went through and how I felt about others that weighed either less or more than I do/did. Why the crap I let you affect me so long IS very clear, however. From a young age I was a perfectionist, later in life finding out through getting a B in math among not making the JV basketball team that perfection was not something I would attain all the time (or really ever).
I have not loved myself before others because of you. I have not loved others as I much as I could because of you. I have not let others love me as much as they wanted to because of you. Frankly, I'm fucking sick of it.
So I'm going to do what the gutter punk in me says to do. I'm going to rebel against your shitty ideals. Hell yes I'm not a size 2 or even a size 6. I actually have an ass (and a nice one at that) and hips and boobs that are bigger than a B cup. Hell yes, I fucking eat healthy every day, exercise whenever I get the chance and indulge occasionally. I LOVE DESSERT and there's nothing you or the number I see on the scale can do about it. I am rebelling against the notion that in order to be and feel skinny/happy/satisfied, I have to be constantly stressing about the number on the scale/my size/what I just ate. Fuck it. You will have no control over it anymore. If I eat healthy and I exercise, there's no reason why I have to EVER worry about your rules or mold to your standards. I know I will naturally become larger/smaller to whatever my body size is supposed to be. I'm not going to compromise my sanity for you anymore.
You fucking suck,